I realized within the first hour after waking up following the liver transplant last month that a fog had been lifted. That, no matter how well I had thought I felt emotionally and cognitively, I was nowhere near where I was now. I was thinking in real time.
I had not felt this way in years, at least a decade, perhaps two, and it was wonderful. I remembered that Jonathan had encouraged me to keep a running journal of the journey from the time I was diagnosed with cancer, who came to be called my Teacher, up to this time and through recovery. I had done this, it was not much, perhaps 40 typed pages, but now I was more than ready to flesh it out.
So being that I am still in recovery from the transplant and as of yet can not even drive my own car, I am splitting my time fairly equally between online CEUs in various areas of Peer Recovery Support to stay fresh, researching and applying for positions at a very select group of practices/centers/groups that are hiring, and piecing together all those journal entries into a small book form.
The reason for the book is not to brag about how difficult the process was to go through, to strike it rich and wind up on Opra (though that would be cool, the former that is, though I could be convinced to go on Opra, I am easy), but rather some pages for someone who is currently or about to be wearing the same shoes I did for so many years. It is easy to want to give up when you are in a place of hopelessness and despair, but you can't. I didn't, and I did not have any rah rah story to help me along. Mine will not be a rah rah story, but it will be a story of victory, about not giving up, and about turning adversity into opportunity.
I am not even sure who I am talking to here these days. I no longer have a group since we no longer are associated with an Athens area practice. Twelve-step programs rule here. I have a couple of people, or clients as they used to be called, but now they call to check on how I am doing after the surgery. That's nice.
Perhaps I am writing this to my next group, or my next individual person I will be meeting in some state more than 1,000 miles from here. Now you can know a little bit about that guy sitting across the room from you. Run! :-)
Though I had been working without any over site for some time in matters of the Soul, or in the spiritual realm with people who come to me for such things, I still made it a point to continue to seek out further instruction from teachers who would make offerings either in Athens or at a location that I could easily get to for a weekend to attend.
Over time, I began to notice more and more that these events were repetitive despite dealing with slightly different content matters, and the ways that they were the same were become increasingly a feature of the way I was conducting my own individual sessions.
Then something big took place. I had wanted to attend a two year training that would certified me as an "official teacher" of a specific very well known individual's programs. This would have opened up all kinds of opportunities for me to offer workshops, individual services, and much more. However, due to my physical heath at the time, I had to withdraw despite having been one of the relatively few to have been accepted.
It turns out that the teacher offering this program was a good friend of a man whom I had known for a time and was currently working with on an individual basis. They talked about my situation, they even discussed it over lunch which was just by chance because he happened to be in the US and the two live 5,000 miles apart. I did not know any of this was taking place.
While he did not know it, I had such high regard for him that I considered this as a sort of unofficial apprenticeship because being at least 30 years my senior he is perhaps the most powerful man I know in this field. I don't mean power like lightning bolts or earth quakes, but power in that he has such a firm grip on himself, the world around him, and what it means to be, and how to be, and why. That might sound flighty, but it makes sense to me, and so does he.
Anyway, I we spoke again, like we do, on Skype not long after that and he told me I did not need any more teachers. He told me that I should turn to Spirit as my only teacher now. That was a big moment, and so much of the questioning of things suddenly made sense. I was not rebelling against the things I had been taught earlier, I was not growing tired of workshops, they had worked for me, and I was ready to move on.
So now, I shall be on my path, and stopping to be an apprentice much like in the link I am going to share below. For no matter how much we think we have it figured out, there will always be the time when we have to stop and learn something new no matter how badly we want to continue, so that when we do continue, we do so effectively.
This blog has been swirling in my mind the past couple of weeks, but reading the blog of author Sharon Blackie today I had to write.
Here is the link, and while I encourage you to read the whole blog, if you are short on time, the part that directly impacted this blog starts next to the image of the woman seated on the bench looking down into the box.
Click here to visit Sharon Blackie's Blog