As a Peer Recovery Support Specialist, not only do you get a fancy name but you are expected to share your own recovery story as appropriate with others who might be in similar situations. The peer's story is not meant as a badge of honor or any kind of credential, but rather used in a way that is useful in the moment.
At any rate, I just had an exchange with a woman who learned recently that she has Hepatitis C, liver failure, and has been told she has perhaps two years to live. Ok, first off, been there done that (not being boastful), but that is not why I am writing this.
She wanted to know if the sever weakness was about the same as she described it for others at that stage. So, I chimed in with the following just to sort of color the thread below the post since it was similar to others.
I post it here so it is available to anyone who may still be considering reeling themselves in a bit knowing their are on the brink of hurting their body by using in excess.
There are very real consequences. As I sit here typing I just had to adjust my chair, since, though it has been three months and two weeks since my liver transplant, my abdominal muscles are still healing and cramp if I sit the same way very long.
So this is what I had to say about the weakness I felt in 2011 through 2016.
"I remember going for walks and feeling like I was walking in quicksand, uphill, against a headwind, and the gravity was turned up to 11. Then, for a moment, just a fleeting moment I would feel fine. I would get like seven steps knowing it would last but a moment, but oh what a moment. Just like before the fall, upright, clarity, and strong. Then the gravity returns, the lights dim, and the birds no longer sing. Once I accepted this was the way it was going to be, it became much easier and I just sank into it. In fact, had I not opted to really look into alternative forms of all kinds of things I don't know how I would have managed. I could not be that Steve in the socially conditioned world that I had previously inhabited. Things were different now, some amount of control was gone, and I needed to adapt to survive. The good news was, I had been in situations like this before, perhaps not this dire, but i knew would win."