"If you love someone set them free, if they come back to you they are yours, but if they don’t, they never were."
That is how the old saying goes, but what does it really mean? How do we even do that? Who is letting go of what and how?
A default position seems to suggest that one person loves someone, and the other has some need for space, or at the least does not seem to have the space for the love. Either way, the sending and receive of love is not working, and distance is the prescribed remedy to allow for some clarity on the state of things.
In other words, if one were in love with another, but that love for some reason was not available in a way that was felt as the one would like, then the one should allow the other to go on their own way and then just wait to see what happens.
That does not sound like a good plan at all. For starters, what happens if they just get hit by a bus and you never find out? On top of that, you even missed the funeral! Of course, you may not even know about the funeral at all.
That went well.
On a more serious note, the one is giving away their power to the other if they just simply walk away under the conditions set forth above.
A very flawed plan indeed.
Granted, the scenario above is just one to consider, but let’s flip that around to something a little more powerful.
What if by set it free we mean release the love as in trying to live without it by choice. That certainly puts the power in the one’s hands.
Still, how would that be accomplished?
While it might seem impossible, if one were to successfully replace the space needed to be filled by that love with something else, say a combination of new things, self-love, and other such components, then when that love came back, the love that was released, from one’s mind, would it be able to have a spot to come back to it all?
In other words, instead of being at the power of that process in allowing somebody else to arrive at the determination of ones condition in life, what if ownership of the love, or our life to add purpose to this, remains completely at the discretion of the one who holds it, and so it can be released at will, or at least its space freed up to be filled in other ways.
This also creates the space of separation mentioned in the original saying.
If all that is so, the would the other love return after the period of time? Perhaps, but only if the one chooses it, because choosing a life path at the dictation of another is not aligned with who you are in the first place, ever.
Changes the dynamic a little bit doesn’t it? Now, is it even possible for the love to come back if you hold it, yet release the love associated with the other to be filled in other ways.
Perhaps try that on and see before saying it does not fit.
Of course, this might cause a stir for some to read because of a belief already held that this is not their power in the first place, which causes a sense of fear for some at stepping into that much personal power.
This part applies to everyone and not just the one, so for us, this is important, and it is something that you can learn to do if you are not already.
This alternate scenario, and who knows, perhaps this is how the first person who said this meant it all along, also adds a whole new spin on “if you love something set it free if it comes back to you it is, if it does not it never was.”
You can treat life like that too, but back to my other love, love.
You are allowing the object of love, or lack thereof, to leave you, you are releasing your love to be filled in another way to honestly assess what will happen. That is scary territory, but a place often visited by those who choose to adopt some basic steps in attaining that mindset.
How do you know you’re in love in the first place? Certainly it’s hard if not impossible to convince your heart anything involving love, but it’s our behaviors that we can change, and if we behave in different ways we may be able to occupy our mind in ways that might not be easy, but teach us a lot about who we are and how we truly feel, and that can really change our behavior.
Because you body does not lie, your mind does. How do you feel? What else makes you feel good. Get more of that. Go to that which nourishes you.
Why is it that people think the things that they do?
From where in the dark corridors of the mind, do these whispers of doom come?
Why in that space that we call the unknown do we expect doom instead of hope for what might lie on the other side?
To ask that question, we have to wonder what it is to think in the first place.
When we think, we are in a constant state of mashing up all that we are aware of into a single thought.
Such a random point in the spectrum of sight, sound, and various sensations of the body, we feel the way we think. Or is it the other way around, do we think we feel one way when in fact we also feel another?
If we ask that are we entering that space of the unknown and assuming the worst? Or do we look in there to find out what might be on the other side that might be good? Are we willing to check our ego at the door for an honest assessment, to allow for the possibility in might be okay, that unknown destination?
Why do people think the things they do? It is how they "see" it.
How is it that our mind's eye focuses on just that one thing as a collective of all the things that we experience in every given moment? That process must come from outside of the body somehow.
How does it observe what the body feels in the first place, isn’t that a combination of sight and other bodily feelings such as temperature or compression? If we’re basing it on eyesight, then at least at that moment we have judged what we’re seeing because we believe we can see in the first place. Again, that is your mind because there are plenty of blind people who cannot “see” but, though in a very different way due to their situation, engage the world they develop with grace over time. In a way, they can see in their mind.
Aside from the visually impaired example, how else would we form these thoughts without seeing, or what it is we think we see?
To see it, we must be observing it in its totality somehow truly as this is me right now in the world. And that is how we think, and that is outside the body. But it is inside the body as far as we are concerned. At least that might be what we’re telling ourselves while we are here.
If some of your thoughts perhaps come from even that much outside, as I illustrated above, then it seems your behaviors are the only thing you can change because you can’t change what you see, just how you see it.
So, I guess that makes the answer to the question asked at the beginning:
That’s beyond me. And as long as they see it that way in their mind's eye, and I don't see it that way. To each their own, but own your own vision.
Where does the notion of "our life path" come from? Who told us there is such a thing in the first place? Did they also tell us where the start point was? If so, what if we had started from over...there instead?
What do you believe? Why?
These are simple questions at the pedestrian street level of consciousness. Of course, that is a duck, look it is a duck. I know what a duck is!
The adage: "if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, then it must be a duck." True, right? But what if it is not a duck but a goose, not a funny-sounding big duck, but a goose. Perhaps I have just never seen a goose before to know the difference? Even then, there are a lot more birds out there, one of them might look like a duck too us, but it is not a duck to someone else.
So, given all that, when we start that "life path" we are already full of all kinds of after the market beliefs, meaning things installed since you arrived, i.e., were born, and not part of the original you. The believes come from experiences and what we believe to be true about those experiences. They are our facts. Regardless of whether or not they are true.
Back then, yes you were just a baby, but imagine for a second you somehow grew up and had lived like all other things in nature without anyone ever telling you anything. You would be fine because it would be fully you and only you and all you knew.
Your life path would be clear, and that was to keep doing those things that carried you from day to day: going to that which nourishes you, once again. That would have been your life path sans any opinions of others, and their sharing of what is right, wrong, good, bad, all of that. There would only be life and you were naturally on that path.
So, perhaps, and as someone who cares little for the random opinions of others as it pertains to how it would change me, I would never tell you what to do, if we consider starting a life path, or renewing it, or whatever right now.
Perhaps do it from that natural posture.
Without the fancy paint job of socialization, free of the constraints of tired old traditions and paradigms that have nothing to do with how you want to live and go to that which nourishes you as your life path. If you are unhappy in your daily life and really care about the environment, then do something about it.
Anyone can link a story to an ever-present bad news article, but how many do anything beyond toting a bag to and from the store? A petty example for effect yes, but the shopping bag like that might seem like doing something, and it is something we should all do, but we should be doing that anyway. (full disclosure here, I always forget my bag and then make myself feel good about getting the box for my things so that I can use it for my recycling, oh my, am I Mr. Environment or what, lol)
So, there we go, figure out what you want, the deepest you that can be accessed, and then go do those things that nourish you and perhaps step back from those that do not. Two simple guidelines. Yes, even that is more than "just you", but it feels harmless of a notion, and if nothing else you will at least have a better idea of what your "life path" really is: doing it or talking about it.